Hi there!
Antoine here, from Impactified!
This week’s self-coaching episode is going to focus on something big: communication.
To start off, here’s a question for you. When was the last time you spent a moment communicating with people around you? Especially your team.
The question isn’t that easy, I know. But it’s worth thinking about because it touches absolutely everyone, and at all times.
Note that I’m talking about “communicating”, here. Not chit-chatting and coffee-talking! Can you see the difference?
The latter is everywhere and we spend a lot of time on it – no question there. But for what results?
Here’s what chatting is about. They talk, you listen. You even agree with them (yeah!) and decide to do that again soon because the feeling was nice.
But did you really engage in an actual communication exercise that helps to build what comes next by aligning people’s perspectives? Not really.
Not really, because it’s simply not something we do so naturally!
If you think about it, when was the last time you coffee-chatted but missed an opportunity to solve someone else’s problem? Perhaps because you were listening (sort of) and looking for a convergence of thought signals without actually hearing what that person was trying to communicate? Or perhaps because you let the discussion go away without demonstrating an alignment of thought the other person was hoping to see?
Said differently, when was the last time you got someone’s message but missed a chance to make that person feel like the message was well-received?
It’s more frequent than we want to admit, right? So here’s the thing.
Beyond talking, the important thing is often hidden in plain sight. All it takes is a decision to stop the chatting and get into a “I hear you” type of communication.
First, there’s the idea of taking responsibility. Not in the sense of looking for guilt (heck no…), because that’s not the point. But in the sense of realizing that you can probably do something to facilitate. Whether that’s to solve a problem or put a frustration at ease.
Acknowledgment comes next. Interestingly, simple sentences such as “I hear you” are often enough to smooth tensions while easing frustrations. All it takes is a habit to engage in the communication process.
For instance, next time you get into a discussion you could ask yourself those questions. Is there a message in here, beyond chit-chatting? Is there an expectation I need to answer, somehow? Would making that person feel “heard” help her (or us) move forward? How can make sure the person knows I’m attentive and aligned?
Ultimately, just because you’ve talked about something repeatedly with someone else doesn’t mean that the topic is closed.
Overall, what matters is to engage in a communication exercise, so that everyone feels listened to, heard, understood, and taken into consideration. Can you see a better way to turn chit-chatting into communication and alignment?
As usual, I’m looking forward to reading your thoughts!
Coachingly yours!
Antoine
